Ready to get personal!!
So here I lay in my hospital bed realizing I have given birth a little early, now realizing I what I am going to miss out on. I know I still get a lot a healthy baby who will be home soon but I need to explore these emotions so I can go on being a strong mama.
I wake up at 4am to pee and pump hhmmmm sounds like fun! The nurse comes in to check my BP and says oh you go back to bed you don't need to pump. The last time was at 11pm so I think I should, sometimes I wonder who these ladies are. So I take myself out into the quiet halls to stalk a pump, we have to share with other mamas on the floor. I walk around the ward not one to be seen. I go back to my room and realize I want to get some milk for my baby so I find my nurse and ask if she knows where one is. ..... Yes! I am pumping and reading about babies on the internet which helps distract my mind from the task at hand which helps my milk or colostrum flow. I am told to only to pump 5 min on each side twice but decide the milk is starting so I go for almost 45. If I had baby at home I probably would have been up doing that a few times. I got half a bottle today my baby will get more milk than formula!!!! I am so happy.
After this adventure I decide I will get some rest. I lay here in bed realizing I will never have the newborn honeymoon. I won't get to lay sleepless staring at my new baby with amazement. I just realized what I was going to miss out on. I wonder if by the time Liam comes home I will be back to my regular energy levels and find it hard to slow down and enjoy. The honeymoon is the best part how will I get it back.
I realize I can go down and feed him.... oh crap as I lay here in bed mourning the loss of bonding I miss the scheduled feed by 5 minutes. I call down they say the feed is just done but I can come down for the 8 o'clock feed.
5:10 am I am sad I can't sleep so I decide to share my adventure with you.
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